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Thursday, January 7, 2016

There you go again

There you go again, 
Hopping on the ol' worry wagon, 
The wheel of compulsive thought, 
The constant stream of unquestioned pieces of memory and oblique obsessions. 

You think that thinking your way out of it is the right way. You can reason with your thought tornado, can't you? You try to get rid of it. Resistance becomes your tool in trying to repress, suppress and digress. Somehow the thoughts get bigger. They build of bigger defenses. You start to identify with them. You start to think that they hold some type of airtight value. You get lost in the transient hurricane of compulsive thought. 

When you get caught up in thought compulsion...

You turn pebbles into boulders. 

Something small and insignificant starts to stream through you like a virus. You feel it in your body. You get anxious. You get uncomfortable. You are swimming and slowly drowning. You lose your center.

When you are in your head, you remove yourself from being present. You forget to realize that you can breathe through it. You can let the thought tornado pass through you like water through a pipe. You got so caught up in habitual resistance that you freak out when you get uncomfortable or disastrously disarrayed. 

It is a vicious cycle indeed. 
The good thing is you're recognizing it. 
You're shining the light of consciousness on things that have not worked for you. The things that have had you dig a deeper hole that you could not get out of. 
This is the sweet nectar of growth. 
Seeing through the bull honky that has not served you. 

It has not served you. 
It has not served anyone else.
It has built a wall between you, yourself and your most authentic self. 

Quit trying to force it. 
Just look at it as if it is a piece of junk. 
Breathe and watch. 
Breathe and watch. 

It's there, but it is not you. 
It's there, but it's not part of you. 
It's there, it is inside you. 

It will pass. 
Don't grasp and don't change. 
Let compulsive thought flow through you like water. Let compulsive thought inform you and teach you to practice presence. 

Every merry go round of compulsive thought is a sign for you to recenter and be more present. Let the anxiety pass through you without resistance. 

Thank you, anxiety. 
Thank you, discomfort. 
Thank you, murky thought tornado.  

You have informed me to be more present. 

Compulsive thought you are a powerful teacher. 

Roll on. 


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