It's part of you. It's part of everyone. The pedals that stink, but are aesthetically gorgeous. The bulbous form in the middle that is so entrancing, yet equally dangerous. It's fundamental to human nature.
It is the continuously budding flower of hypocrisy. As you sit there holding on to your stagnant and somewhat amoral ideologies, you fool yourself of your ugliness and authenticty. You and I are both ugly, but at the same time as beautiful as a super nova. It may be a hard truth to realize, but your innate duality and amorphous nature in between that dual spectrum is the key to self awareness.
You can preach. You can be dogmatic. You can become so enthralled with a cause that you trick yourself into a false identity. A false sense of importance. You squander your dark as if it was a fly that needed suffocation under a mason jar. You hide your faults like a dog hides bones in a backyard.
What if you were to embrace the dark? What if you could embrace your imperfect self and laugh at your clingy identity? What if you could simply witness the false duality that you constrict your ego to. That false sense of self that leads you to discontent, shame, guilt, regret and fear. You see yourself as the middle of a sandwich. The top being your ideal sense of self that you would like to "eventually" be at. The bottom piece of bread is what you want to leave behind and learn from. Well both sides of the sandwich have equal potency in self education and awareness.
Passing through time. You see your past self which is now merely a thought. You self is simply a product of time. You can be grateful for that past self. You can turn your back on it or bless it. Your reaction however, doesn't hold much clout to the reality of the situation.
So your past self is a thought.
Your future self is a thought.
What about who you think you are right now? In the present.
Well, what you think of yourself in the present is just an image formulated from measurement to an "idea" of the past. Who are you? That question seems absurd when you can see that question can never have an absolute answer. You will only trick yourself into thinking you are different from the image of yourself in the past. You aren't judging or comparing the past self, you are analyzing an image your mind has made up from learned data. It simply doesn't exist.
The ego thrives on comparison.
Yes, you can learn lessons.
Yes, you can change habits.
Yes, you can change past behaviors.
Continuous flux of the image of self is a root cause of suffering.
You give the illusion that you are a different person from your past self. You only make that decision from comparison. From measument. You constrain yourself to an identity. Writhing from moment to moment for the sake of security and comfort. Comfort becomes your teddy bear. You barely let yourself feel the suffering you so endure from the lack of self awareness.
You tell yourself that you are a better person. It's arbitrary.
The internal self talk is of the mind and the main leash that keeps you attached to your false sense of self. Instead of accepting yourself unconditionally through every blissful or suffering moment, you try so hard to cling to a moral and positive thinking blanket of escape and distraction. It's beautiful, but also quite putrid and absurd.
When you can accept your putrid and absurd workings of the mind without identifying with it, you can break yourself from false ideological attachment and the misgivings of trying to "become a better person." The idea of becoming a better person is destructive because it thrives on the measurement to a false and dead concept your mind creates. You can only accept the things as they are and take action. The idea of becoming a better person is a torturous carrot to dangle over your false sense of self/ ego.
Embracing your light and dark sides without compartmentalizing them onto a spectrum of good or bad is key in being aware. In fact, breaking the sides into a good or bad or light or dark is counterintuitive to growth. It's a false dichotomy. It is all part of the human condition. One part being an integral part of the other.
Face your ideological misgivings and faults.
Face your bias.
Face your hypocrisy.
Accept your past actions and accept yourself as you are.
Accept that your beliefs hold huge hypocrisys built into them. Let yourself see your own false duality and conflict. Hypocrisy arises from that conflict. No need to resist.
It's there for you.