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Sunday, April 19, 2015


Friday, April 17, 2015

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Friday, April 10, 2015

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Succeeding at Failure

There I am again. Thinking of what I should be doing right now. Ignoring past accomplishments. Ignoring the importance of relationships and only focusing on individualistic task driven goals. I should be doing that, but I'm doing this. This is so overwhelming. But.... I am creating this. 

Society makes us surface and shallow. I am not pointing the finger at society. It should be rather apparent that society convinces us that personal achievements and financial success lead us to a happy and fulfilled life. We are constantly barraged with statements such as, "If at first you don't succeed, try again!" As positive and blankly motivating this statement is, it still leads us down a blind and unfulfilled path. We think that simply focusing on what we want to do or what we think we "need" to do will ultimately pay off in the end from all the "hard work". 

"There is no easy road, kid." 

If you fail, the first thing you should do is ask yourself questions. 

Why did I fail? Why am I doing this? Are there things I could be doing that play more to my personal strengths? Failure is an option. Failure is just a sign post word we put for things that didn't quite turn out the way we wanted them to. They say that expectation is the root of all heartbreak. Having high expectations for yourself can be just as poisoning as blind ambition and pursuit of a unfulfilling goal. 

Failure is a teacher. Failure is a motivator. Failure is a game changer. Failure allows for inner awakenings that influence the way we "create" the world around us. Failure inspires self knowledge. 

All in all, the word failure is always colored with a negative crayon. We see failure as disappointment thrusting us into an unnecessary binary perspective that we are "less" than the "other" successful people around us. It's us versus them. Someone's success is directly or indirectly with someone else's failure. 

This whole idea of success plays upon the idea of quantifying or qualifying achievement or the pursuit of a goal that will make us feel more complete in the future. We think that success will ultimately define our own self worth and intrinsic human value. 

A: " I am not happy with what I am doing right now, I must create or pursue something in order for me to feel better about myself and live life." 

B:" Hey! You ate that burrito pretty successfully didn't you?" " I mean you finished the entire thing!" 

A:" Yea, but it's not what I really want out of life. It doesn't fill me or help with my agenda." 

I have written before that authentic success is living moment to moment. Being aware and present with the flow of life turns every failure and success into lessons and valuable experiences. 

That feeling of failure you get is your ego identifying with what you do and placing value to it. It is confusing accomplishments and shortcomings with your overall being. When you are aware and present, then you can observe that hungry ghost and know that each success and failure are only created from an illusory sense of self. You can watch that irritated demon do dances around your brain and not pollute the river of your self worth. 

Success and failure are terms we have all  been conditioned to follow from society. We think that failing is bad and that we must conquer that failure by trying "harder" and achieving success. When you are at totality with what you are doing, there is no reason for the false dichotomy of success and failure. The mere concept of these terms are not used to inform you. They are used to enslave you. They enslave you to a sick society that praises "being successful" to self worth. 

When you understand that success and failure are creations of "the mind", then you understand the suffering it causes. Pain goes hand in hand with pleasure! 

I decided to keep the title of this article as   "Succeeding at Failure" to illustrate the absurdity of the statement. If you succeed at failure, you are simply assigning yourself to a false concept. You are saying, " I am good at achieving something that didn't turn out the way I wanted to in the first place because I lack the self knowledge to see that a failure is only a lesson for me to pay attention to and learn from so I can execute the task at hand better in the future." 

Simply recognizing your failures as lessons is success in itself. 

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

A letter to my future wife.

Dear Sweetie, I know we have been through a lot. I know we have had our rocky times and our blissful moments. I know we have our differences. I know we share such love. I would like to show you what I can promise for many more wonderful years together. I promise to wash the dishes when I failed to make green bean casserole from a Southern Living magazine issue. I promise to scrub the toilet when it is dirty. ( This includes picking up and disposing of pesky pubic hairs ) I promise to ask permission if I choose to eat a second donut for the day. I promise to mute the commercials and awkwardly stare at you as I slowly start to smile with passion. I promise not to hum while I eat unless a Journey song is played on the radio in the background. I promise to put on Deodorant and not simply spray Axe body spray while I gently walk into it. I promise to do the laundry and will do my best not get any crumbs from the Nutella bacon sandwich I will finish before you even know I made it. I will share my plate with you at a restaurant just as long as I can ask for more napkins with every bite you take. I promise to keep up with the lawn unless I am busy with everything else in my life. I promise to drop everything I am doing and help you with your macaroni and yarn sculpture project. I promise not to yell at the TV especially when I realize that it's not even on. I promise to jog lightly around the block with you while I constantly ask how many miles we have traveled based upon your fit bit. I promise to lick the bowl. I promise to lick the spoon. I promise to give you at least one ten second hug per day followed by a whisper in your ear telling you how many bowel movements I have had today. I promise to do yoga while you are baking a cake and constantly state how exhausted and exhilarating it was. I promise to check the door at least twice a night before bed, touch the couch 15 times, Smell the flowers 20 times, do ten pushups, clap twelve times and pace back and forth for 2 minutes until I'm exhausted. I promise to shave my facial hear to a pencil thin beard or a John Waters mustache at least once a month. I promise to give you at least one 20 second massage per week. I promise to refrain from playing with toys while in the bathtub with you. I promise to be conservative with toilet paper. Oh and one more thing, Can you take out the trash and make a sack lunch for me tomorrow purposely leaving out the sandwich and replacing it with an old musty Family Circus cartoon strip? Thanks! Love you! DG

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Hey, What's going on?

Q: Hey, What's going on? A: Not much, you? Q: The same. Some of us have had this short and conditioned conversation when meeting up with friends or acquaintances that we haven't seen in awhile. This seems to be the "default" mode of contemporary human interactions when entering social atmospheres in public. Some of us become overwhelmed and don't know what to say, so we resort to the token questions and answers that we thrust into forcing a conversation or getting on the same level as the other person. These are most certainly unconscious and thoughtless gestures that don't let us get past our loathsome habits and prohibit us from growing as socialites. Some of us may have different variations on the example above. Most of us start "small talk" and reach through our non extensive conversational vocabulary to pull out empty default conversation starters. Once we become conscious of our presence in the room and start to recognize our social habits, we can start to integrate creative and valuable conversations. Instead of asking base and general questions, we can launch ourselves and others into different frames of mind and make true fun out of conversations. Before you open your mouth and say an unconscious, programmed blabber bus, we must first feel out the energy and the body language of the target area. It is a good idea to start with good or long term friends that know you first so you can later use your practiced skills on new people you meet. Be open, willing and do not be daunting or aggressive. Think of every new conversation as an experiment and playground with some loose guidelines. Plant the seed of conversation and watch it grow. Here are a few ideas for conversation starters. 1. Start with something food based. Everyone loves food! Especially, good food! Q: Man, I had a great sandwich the other day and it brightened my day! This opens up the conversation with enthusiasm. When you use enthusiasm, you create and influence the atmosphere around you. People love that energy! Bring forth that joyous momentum. Once you make the statement, follow up with a question relating to the statement proposed. Q: Have you ( or you guys ) had a great sandwich or dish lately? Some of the people may ride your enthusiasm wave and really dive deep into what food they have had recently. This technique allows the person to really critically think about personal past experiences and bring them into the spotlight. You will soon find that there is plenty in common with you and the other people and the conversation may take some delicious and unexpected turns. It is important to realize that you do not want to start a conversation or interaction as an interview. You really want to pave the way yourself, but not make it immediately about you. Some people may freeze up if you ask them a direct question at first. You want to amend that conversational soil and make it just right so that the seeds planted can grow with great vigor! 2. Enter a conversation with your body first and try to be very gestural and animated. Be mindful of your movements and do not over exaggerate your movements. Start off by giving a firm handshake or good 3+ second hugs to good friends. Make it apparent that you excited to see them and enjoy having them around. Make sure you don't make things too uncomfortable with unwelcome body interactions. Once the physical non verbal atmosphere is set, the conversation can start with a sense of warmth and communion. 3. If you are entering a group that is already in mid conversation, the best thing for you to do is to really focus on listening. Listen to what the topic is at hand and if you have any interest in it. It is important to really read the body language of the group and gauge if it is more of an intimate closed conversation or an open invitation. People will usually adjust themselves by moving to accommodate you or moving in closer to signify its potential. Once again, listening is the most important part. The best time to enter the conversation is determined on what you can offer. Will your interaction add value or growth to the conversation at hand? It is important to be conscious of recognizing what other people have said. Show appreciation before you bring forth a personal comment. I appreciate your story! That's amazing! I am so glad you told me that! What a great story! Good Point! These are just a few examples of some statements you could see in showing your conscious involvement in the conversation. People love to hear that their voice is being heard. There are many avenues you can take the conversation if you dissect it and really see what has the most potential and fun! Keep good eye contact be conscious of your body cues signifying that you are indeed paying attention. You can shake your head or interject with one word phrases such as "true", "yea", " absolutely" or a chuckle or laugh depending on the context of the conversation. " Paying Attention " is the most important part of being the listener. You are investing your awareness and presence in the delight and uniqueness of the other human or humans. Dive deep! Ask questions and listen intently! Don't just wait to speak or give your opinion. When you listen with your whole being, the response will come on it's own with very little aggression or effort. Your reaction will be very appropriate or informed. 4. Break comfort zones! A big part of conversation play is the ability to be spontaneous and to catch people off guard to spur new and interesting conversations. It is not advised to come at it with anything too offensive, sexual or aggressive. You really want to think of some fun ideas that the whole conversation party can play with. Think of some thought experiments that could lead to some interesting responses and interactions. any of you had an embarrassing moment in public? What's the oddest thing you have tried? When's the last time you felt like kids? There are so many ideas and possibilities you can try to enlighten and inspire others with. When you bring something new and refreshing to conversation, you are creating great memories for people that they can cherish and share with future participants of conversation. You can create an atmosphere of love and acceptance that can spread to create joy in the now and the future. It is important to realize that what you can offer is extraordinary in perpetuating interesting life experiences. Go forth and plant seeds of truth, love and experimentation into the minds and hearts of other people! Be bold. Be confident and start every conversation with conviction and enthusiasm. Great conversation can truly change the world around us and improve the collective consciousness of the human species.

Ugly Head 2

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Ugly Head 1

I'm donating these jokes to charity

Joke/Pun List A mathematician has done some precise manipulations to a sausage. He is calling it the "Algebratwurst". I knew a bar where a bunch of OBGYN's would frequent. Their favorite night to go was Wednesday because it was Cervix Industry Night. I'm camping right now. Wait, I was camping since it was past tents. I was holding my autobiography, but realized I had super glue on my hands. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. My favorite game is to attach handbags to a nice professional one piece and hide notecards with random questions in it. I call it "Trivial Purse Suit." I knew a hard working caterpillar that was praised at work. He eventually got "Employee of the Moth." Go outside and look at the clouds. I'm cirrus. I went to a farm where they said "No Cow Tipping", which was a shame since those lovely bovines had great wait service. I overheard a voyeur couple talk about how they needed to start seeing other peepholes. Do you think farmers with different farms spread out across different towns have hoes in different area codes? Thinking about converting to a different religion. Getting a sects change. I saw a man pick up a screaming child and take her to his van. Man, kids are getting carried away these days. I have to be honest guys, I just cannot live without food and water. I saw a women with her kid working on a roof together. I guess she was a Shingle Mother. A few men were charged with killing sea cows. They called it Crimes Against Huge Manatees. People who make bumper stickers for a living have a career In car rears. I'm starting a Frozen Yogurt shop and news stand.. It will be called Froyo Information. Walked by an Indian restaurant where I saw a happy man eating and I thought to myself "How fortunate the man with naan." I was going to the Race, but those runners really crossed a line. Did you know that there is a bike courier service that delivers legal documents to children? It is called Pedalfile. I like to go into antique markets and consistently say, "Those have seen better days." I don't believe in stereotypes unless it's Sony or Samsonite. When blind people break up, do they want to hear other people? Did you know there is a specialty gift store for aunts? It's a very niece market. I talked to a gardener the other day. I asked "What's Up?" he said " Not Mulch." There is a really good store that specializes in nuclear novels and books. They are called Barnes and Chernobyl. I had some fried potato snacks that did not agree with me. Damn Traitor Tots. I dated Helvetica for awhile. She wasn't my type. I only eat lucky charms. I guess you could say I am a cereal monogamist. I'm not a huge fan of Carrot Top, but I give him props! You tellin me that Sting is yo favorite artist ? Oh Police.... Trying to get my private jet business off the ground. I really tried getting my cabinet business off the ground. There was entry of Shameless Shelf Promotion. I had a good egg joke, but Omelet you have this one . Baby, give me that couch cause I need sectional healing! Does wine tasting contribute to a "Grape Culture" ? Gynecologists have a new technology for your phone. It's called Appsmear. When will they release Mein Kampf from the Disney Vault? I like to smoke the long cigarettes. Sorry, I like big butts and I cannot lie. Anyone want to get some chicken and watch the game at "Lord of the Wings" ? With Comedy, you can turn Manslaughter to Man's Laughter. Why are holiday songs protesting letters in the alphabet. I keep hearing No L No L. Fruits and raisins are really erotic in the new book " Fifty Shades of Grapes". Ever get high off of watching Rambo? I got really Stalloned the other night. My wrinkle resistant shirt has wrinkles. Oh the ironing... This may sound patriarchal.. But will we ever have a Dairy King? I ordered a little salad before my meal and my body started to twitch. I told my waiter, but I forgot I ordered the seizure salad. Most farmers do not scare easily. They ain't afraid of no goats. At Christmas, Tyler Perry presents presents Hey whatever bike you buy, it is a schwin schwin situation Some super heroes are trying to slim down so they are trying Diet Cloak Kit Kat and I are seeing other people. She told me to give her a break. I went to this wine restaurant and the waiter told me to have a grape weekend. Maybe I can use my bad attitude to compete at the Olympricks. Not too into monogamy. More into stereogamy I'm going to rap about pancakes. Call it Hip Ihop I like to observe people in lines. I'm on Wait Watchers. I wonder what spiderman's net worth is ? On a scale of one to ten, I give a ten to people that don't put things on scales. Obviously I am feeling a 6 today. Procrastinators Anonymous meets tomorrow. The U.S.S Enterprise had a magician on board. Jean Luc Pickacard I want to start an anti classical music organization and call it Men Against Violins. They should make a day time talk show for douche bags and call it Obrah. I like to go into retirement homes and yell "Hey remember the 80s?!!!" I couldn't sleep so I went to the Doctor. He told me to watch the PGA Tour. To "putt" it this way, it worked! The Lawyer Decided to represent U2. I guess you could say he did it Pro-Bono My Friends pressured me to stay 20 minutes in a Freezer. It was a Frigid Dare. I heard a married tree couple gossiping about their one brother in log. If you make an ampersandwich it becomes an andwich. Just heard a Mexican reinterpretation of a Spice Girls song called, " When Two Become Juan." No I can't help you put together that cabinet. Do it your shelf. I really hate campfires. Just Kindling. Ran into a friend who makes a living selling Chèvre. Man she let herself goat. Apparently there is a tea place specifically for pregnant women called "The Steeping Womb." I spilt water on my friend's playboy magazine. I had to return it eventually. I hate being the bearer of bad nudes. Ok so I'm not Native American, Sioux me! I knew a feminist artist that started using her menstral blood on her art. I guess she was going through her period period. Decided to run to the mailbox since I'm training for a 1/28th Marathon. Hey kids we're having a digital Christmas tree this year instead with gifs underneath the tree. This new fish cooking channel sounds kinda dirty. Especially, the Filet Show. It's comforting to know that my chiropractor has got my back. I have the choice of two cheap flights. Hey it's a Flight or Flight situation. Whenever I see a person with a yoga mat, I tell them to get bent. Ugh, every time I got to the doctor, there is a bunch of pricks. Do you think aging chickens are bothered by their biological cock? A young man gets sucked into the system of a standardized test in SCANTRON. The Charter bus said "Step Up" at the door. I don't appreciate vehicles pressuring me do better.