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Thursday, April 2, 2015

I'm donating these jokes to charity

Joke/Pun List A mathematician has done some precise manipulations to a sausage. He is calling it the "Algebratwurst". I knew a bar where a bunch of OBGYN's would frequent. Their favorite night to go was Wednesday because it was Cervix Industry Night. I'm camping right now. Wait, I was camping since it was past tents. I was holding my autobiography, but realized I had super glue on my hands. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. My favorite game is to attach handbags to a nice professional one piece and hide notecards with random questions in it. I call it "Trivial Purse Suit." I knew a hard working caterpillar that was praised at work. He eventually got "Employee of the Moth." Go outside and look at the clouds. I'm cirrus. I went to a farm where they said "No Cow Tipping", which was a shame since those lovely bovines had great wait service. I overheard a voyeur couple talk about how they needed to start seeing other peepholes. Do you think farmers with different farms spread out across different towns have hoes in different area codes? Thinking about converting to a different religion. Getting a sects change. I saw a man pick up a screaming child and take her to his van. Man, kids are getting carried away these days. I have to be honest guys, I just cannot live without food and water. I saw a women with her kid working on a roof together. I guess she was a Shingle Mother. A few men were charged with killing sea cows. They called it Crimes Against Huge Manatees. People who make bumper stickers for a living have a career In car rears. I'm starting a Frozen Yogurt shop and news stand.. It will be called Froyo Information. Walked by an Indian restaurant where I saw a happy man eating and I thought to myself "How fortunate the man with naan." I was going to the Race, but those runners really crossed a line. Did you know that there is a bike courier service that delivers legal documents to children? It is called Pedalfile. I like to go into antique markets and consistently say, "Those have seen better days." I don't believe in stereotypes unless it's Sony or Samsonite. When blind people break up, do they want to hear other people? Did you know there is a specialty gift store for aunts? It's a very niece market. I talked to a gardener the other day. I asked "What's Up?" he said " Not Mulch." There is a really good store that specializes in nuclear novels and books. They are called Barnes and Chernobyl. I had some fried potato snacks that did not agree with me. Damn Traitor Tots. I dated Helvetica for awhile. She wasn't my type. I only eat lucky charms. I guess you could say I am a cereal monogamist. I'm not a huge fan of Carrot Top, but I give him props! You tellin me that Sting is yo favorite artist ? Oh Police.... Trying to get my private jet business off the ground. I really tried getting my cabinet business off the ground. There was entry of Shameless Shelf Promotion. I had a good egg joke, but Omelet you have this one . Baby, give me that couch cause I need sectional healing! Does wine tasting contribute to a "Grape Culture" ? Gynecologists have a new technology for your phone. It's called Appsmear. When will they release Mein Kampf from the Disney Vault? I like to smoke the long cigarettes. Sorry, I like big butts and I cannot lie. Anyone want to get some chicken and watch the game at "Lord of the Wings" ? With Comedy, you can turn Manslaughter to Man's Laughter. Why are holiday songs protesting letters in the alphabet. I keep hearing No L No L. Fruits and raisins are really erotic in the new book " Fifty Shades of Grapes". Ever get high off of watching Rambo? I got really Stalloned the other night. My wrinkle resistant shirt has wrinkles. Oh the ironing... This may sound patriarchal.. But will we ever have a Dairy King? I ordered a little salad before my meal and my body started to twitch. I told my waiter, but I forgot I ordered the seizure salad. Most farmers do not scare easily. They ain't afraid of no goats. At Christmas, Tyler Perry presents presents Hey whatever bike you buy, it is a schwin schwin situation Some super heroes are trying to slim down so they are trying Diet Cloak Kit Kat and I are seeing other people. She told me to give her a break. I went to this wine restaurant and the waiter told me to have a grape weekend. Maybe I can use my bad attitude to compete at the Olympricks. Not too into monogamy. More into stereogamy I'm going to rap about pancakes. Call it Hip Ihop I like to observe people in lines. I'm on Wait Watchers. I wonder what spiderman's net worth is ? On a scale of one to ten, I give a ten to people that don't put things on scales. Obviously I am feeling a 6 today. Procrastinators Anonymous meets tomorrow. The U.S.S Enterprise had a magician on board. Jean Luc Pickacard I want to start an anti classical music organization and call it Men Against Violins. They should make a day time talk show for douche bags and call it Obrah. I like to go into retirement homes and yell "Hey remember the 80s?!!!" I couldn't sleep so I went to the Doctor. He told me to watch the PGA Tour. To "putt" it this way, it worked! The Lawyer Decided to represent U2. I guess you could say he did it Pro-Bono My Friends pressured me to stay 20 minutes in a Freezer. It was a Frigid Dare. I heard a married tree couple gossiping about their one brother in log. If you make an ampersandwich it becomes an andwich. Just heard a Mexican reinterpretation of a Spice Girls song called, " When Two Become Juan." No I can't help you put together that cabinet. Do it your shelf. I really hate campfires. Just Kindling. Ran into a friend who makes a living selling Chèvre. Man she let herself goat. Apparently there is a tea place specifically for pregnant women called "The Steeping Womb." I spilt water on my friend's playboy magazine. I had to return it eventually. I hate being the bearer of bad nudes. Ok so I'm not Native American, Sioux me! I knew a feminist artist that started using her menstral blood on her art. I guess she was going through her period period. Decided to run to the mailbox since I'm training for a 1/28th Marathon. Hey kids we're having a digital Christmas tree this year instead with gifs underneath the tree. This new fish cooking channel sounds kinda dirty. Especially, the Filet Show. It's comforting to know that my chiropractor has got my back. I have the choice of two cheap flights. Hey it's a Flight or Flight situation. Whenever I see a person with a yoga mat, I tell them to get bent. Ugh, every time I got to the doctor, there is a bunch of pricks. Do you think aging chickens are bothered by their biological cock? A young man gets sucked into the system of a standardized test in SCANTRON. The Charter bus said "Step Up" at the door. I don't appreciate vehicles pressuring me do better.

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