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Tuesday, April 7, 2015

A letter to my future wife.

Dear Sweetie, I know we have been through a lot. I know we have had our rocky times and our blissful moments. I know we have our differences. I know we share such love. I would like to show you what I can promise for many more wonderful years together. I promise to wash the dishes when I failed to make green bean casserole from a Southern Living magazine issue. I promise to scrub the toilet when it is dirty. ( This includes picking up and disposing of pesky pubic hairs ) I promise to ask permission if I choose to eat a second donut for the day. I promise to mute the commercials and awkwardly stare at you as I slowly start to smile with passion. I promise not to hum while I eat unless a Journey song is played on the radio in the background. I promise to put on Deodorant and not simply spray Axe body spray while I gently walk into it. I promise to do the laundry and will do my best not get any crumbs from the Nutella bacon sandwich I will finish before you even know I made it. I will share my plate with you at a restaurant just as long as I can ask for more napkins with every bite you take. I promise to keep up with the lawn unless I am busy with everything else in my life. I promise to drop everything I am doing and help you with your macaroni and yarn sculpture project. I promise not to yell at the TV especially when I realize that it's not even on. I promise to jog lightly around the block with you while I constantly ask how many miles we have traveled based upon your fit bit. I promise to lick the bowl. I promise to lick the spoon. I promise to give you at least one ten second hug per day followed by a whisper in your ear telling you how many bowel movements I have had today. I promise to do yoga while you are baking a cake and constantly state how exhausted and exhilarating it was. I promise to check the door at least twice a night before bed, touch the couch 15 times, Smell the flowers 20 times, do ten pushups, clap twelve times and pace back and forth for 2 minutes until I'm exhausted. I promise to shave my facial hear to a pencil thin beard or a John Waters mustache at least once a month. I promise to give you at least one 20 second massage per week. I promise to refrain from playing with toys while in the bathtub with you. I promise to be conservative with toilet paper. Oh and one more thing, Can you take out the trash and make a sack lunch for me tomorrow purposely leaving out the sandwich and replacing it with an old musty Family Circus cartoon strip? Thanks! Love you! DG

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