The social media revolution has created a fallacious attachment to who we think we are. We develop profiles that are suppose to represent us. We maintain them. We take selfies and post them in the effort of presenting ourselves to the world. It reaffirms the sense of self. It is illusory in nature, but can direct one to the understanding of why we do things on an evolutionary level.
But enough about that.
Let's talk about me! I mean I think I'm a pretty cool guy. I have some nice hair, blue eyes and find myself to be rather charming at times. I love to tell of my stories from my past and post selfies to expose my fabulousness.
I mean all of you are great, but what does it have to do with me? Why haven't you complemented me on my new shirt? I mean come on! Sure I got it on SALE at SEARS, but this nice trim and collar are pretty much to die for.
When was the last time you bought me lunch? I think I've done my fair share of buying some of you peeps lunch before. Maybe it's time to return the favor and start getting me stuff every once in awhile.
Speaking of, I'm kind hungry. I wouldn't mind a Reuben right now and just eat in front of a mirror. I simply love the way I chew. It takes some effort and practice to look attractive when you chew. Some people are not very mindful of their chewing. Some people think that they shouldn't look very attractive when they eat. I think otherwise.
I'm also pretty good at push-ups. I do push-ups every day and do pull ups. I love to hit the gym and look at myself in the mirror. I love how my muscles look after a workout. I've take quite a few gym selfies in my day and I can assure you that I have gotten quite a bit of comments and likes.
I was at the gym the other day doing some squats, when a young attractive girl came by and smiled. I said," Nice squats huh?" She got embarrassed and rushed off. Yup, lady killer over here. I mean the least she could have done was told me that she liked my glutes.
I pretty much make the most banging playlists for the pool and the boat. I like to think I have a heightened music taste. I can really keep the party going with my presence and the music. I often yell out WOO! when I'm out on the lake with my boys and some chicks. I freaking love to show off my pecs and biceps when I'm out on the lake too. I love to show off what god has given me and what I have worked so hard for. Sucks being such a cool guy sometimes.
I can play some mean guitar solos too. I love to jam out in my living room without a shirt on and call up my friends to listen to my mean shreds. I put them on speakerphone and let the jammage flow out of me. It feels so good to have people listen to me play. It feels so good to offer such a rad thing to the world. One of these days I would love to play a guitar solo on a mountain top and skype in a bunch of my friends and maybe set a record so that everyone will know that this guy did a solo on top of a mountain. Guinness baby!
One of these days I'm going to throw a party celebrating me! I mean I already have a birthday "month", but I should be celebrating myself more with others. I'll have a moon bounce, grilling, swimming, girls, a baller playlist, a beer bong, some chips with my rad homemade salsa, some sumo wrestlers just chilling, a dude with a flamethrower, water balloons, nerf guns, bicycle jousting, drones, a screen printing station where people can make their own shirts, a dance troupe, paintings of me posted around the party, some of my favorite motivational quotes, dogs, an animal trainer with an ocelot, a cheerleading team, a couple basketball players playing horse, a tv with the movie Friday running on repeat, some cupcakes, pie, queso, a pull up competition, a finger painting station, a favs painting station, some hippie chicks doing hula hooping, a station to make your own crepes, a personal butler, a stage where I can tell my favorite jokes, a kissing booth, a jello wrestling kiddie pool, some well groomed poodles, a giant life size chess game, a tutorial on how to cook different types of eggs, some RC cars, a Pepsi challenge table, a Cricket wireless promotional booth, a henna booth, a lemonade stand where local kids can sell lemonade, a tea ceremony, an introductory class on how to make your bed, a couple of army dudes to recruit some bros, a sign up sheet to go on a swamp ride, a raffle for a season pass to The Houston Rockets games, a candle making seminar, a vegan cookie workshop and finally a prayer circle praying for the best things to happen in my life.
I don't know about you, but I love myself.
It's great being me!!!!