Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Your Horoscope for today
Here is your horoscope for today. I hope the day brings you gifts of joy and infinite abundance!
Aries- Go ahead and go for that third cup of coffee today just so you can spend a little time on the toilet while watching YouTube videos.
Taurus- Beware of rogue traffic cones that show up randomly on roads. Avoid hitting them unless of course you are feeling bold and beautiful.
Gemini- Try staring at the sun for a few seconds longer today and then spin around 5 times and just lay down in the grass. Don't be late for work!
Cancer- Don't bother wearing underwear today. Let that sh*t breathe!
Leo- Buy a piece of fruit for a random person at the supermarket. Make sure and tell them how much you like the symmetry of their elbows.
Virgo- Start a random conversation about the weather with a friend or stranger in a public place. Tell them that you are hoping for rain or at least a mildly threatening dust devil.
Libra- Get up early and clean out your closet. Smell all the insides of your shoes and sweep under the bed. Try humming while you brush your teeth and put on two different types of socks. Make sure to high five yourself in the mirror.
Scorpio- Preach the gospel of hourly push ups.
Sagittarius- Just go ahead and try to eat a whole pizza because your day is just going to be bad. Sorry!
Capricorn- Stay away from Leos and short anecdotes today.
Aquarius- Reconsider your career and consider the rewards of working in Waste Management.
Pisces- Try riding a bike after work today while yelling " Look who has a smaller carbon footprint..this guy!"