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Sunday, May 17, 2015

Should or shouldn't you use should ?

[ SHo͝od ]
  1. used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions:
    "he should have been careful"
    • indicating a desirable or expected state:
      "by now students should be able to read with a large degree of independence"
    • used to give or ask advice or suggestions:
      "you should go back to bed"
    • (I should)
      used to give advice:
      "I should hold out if I were you"
  2. used to indicate what is probable:
Source: OxfordDictionaries · © Oxford University Press
" Don't tell me what to do! "

Some people think that they know what is best for you. You know these people.
Maybe their binary based mindset corners them into a perspective that is unshakable and resilent against criticism.

A: "You should really be doing this if you want to make it in this industry".

These diluted people operate under an illusory concept that their is one "correct" path. They think from their past experiences and sloppy research that what they did will work out the same way for you. Without considering strengths, weaknesses and natural advantages, they regurgitate psychological babble primarily intended to deter or "motivate" you. Sure there may a few instances where a certain type of procedure "should" be the best course of action to eliminate or minimize harm or failure in a situation, but there is not interest in debating these concrete examples.

Simply telling someone that they should do something lacks self knowledge and bypasses critical thinking. Listening is the most important thing to engage in in any conversation. When you react on a hair instinct, you are operating on a insecure base surrounded by personal ideals mainly influenced by ego. " I think you should do this because based on what I have heard, this might be the best possible thing to do." Some people use should with some of the best intentions. I am not saying that saying "should" is in any way objectively destructive, but I am willing to dissect and analyze the way we use the word in all contexts.

So what should you do?

The most important thing to do is to be mindful of the way you use the word. What benefit are you bringing to the person or people in a conversation? Are you simply replying to a person under an obligation to show that you are engaged in the conversation? Take a look at the timing between talking in conversations. When you are present and without an agenda in a conversation, any reply will be a sane and sober reply. Consider some options you could use when replying to a person in a non aggressive and self interested way.

For example:
"Have you considered this?"
"Have you tried doing something different?"
"How do your decisions make you feel?"
"How can you change for better? "

It's important to keep asking questions in order to guide the people you care about in making informed and critical decisions. Instead of commanding someone to do something, consider being open in letting the other party consider some viable options. When you change a conversation from being authoritative in nature to organic and compassionate, you are greatly benefiting and enhancing the authenticity of the parties involved.

- used to give or ask advice or suggestions:
  Recap: Considering giving advice without telling someone what to do. This is an interesting and challenging exercise that will let you grow and not submit yourself to a Them Vs. Us false dualistic mentality.

2: used to indicate what is probable:
- This is a case where should has more of an objective and non biased intention. Based upon certain evidence and principles, one could use "should" in the context of determining outcomes. " This egg should crack if I drop it on the floor." For this use of the term, should has no relation to an ego identity.

Life Lesson: Listen

Am I telling you that you "should" do this?



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