You are so insecure!
That's not an insult. That's not an attack on your identity. Well it kinda is, but we will get more into that in a bit.
The good thing is that all of us are insecure. We can all share that commonality and flourish in the magnanimous potency of our own humanity.
Insecurities are good.
Why are they good you ask?
Well, insecurities are signifiers for the work we need to do on ourselves. They are the unresolved manifesting through certain feelings, actions and behaviors. It is the hidden mosquito bugging you for your undivided and conscious attention.
If someone insults you or attacks your presumed identity, how do you handle it?
This is an important question. How do you react?
Keyword: Reaction. In a situation where you can't control all the outcomes, how do you react to what you don't agree with or find someway repulsive or off putting?
Do you get defensive? That's understandable. When people are criticized and judged, they see it as a threat of survival. This is a primal reaction built in us that has manifested through certain unconscious behaviors in our lives. We put up walls to protect ourselves, to preserve our ego and to ensure that we appear as responsible and "intact" individuals.
What happens between that space of stimulus and reaction? Are you conscious of it? Are you conscious of how your body feels before you react to something? Are you conscious of your own self projected and protected bias?
The person acting out against you is a reflection of your own insecurities. A swabby culmination of unresolved internal conflicts that are set off from repressing and not being aware of your own inner workings of self knowledge. You have the choice to change things around. The choice to embrace your own vulnerabilities. The choice to accept and embrace the vulnerabilities of another person without so quickly trying to resolve unconscious conflict. Patience is a virtue, remember?
So are you feeling insecure or uncomfortable?
Are you feeling angry or irritable?
Each of these passing moods are access points for growth and expanding your own self knowledge. We all hate to be angry. We all hate to be anxious. We all hate to be uncomfortable. This is all very understandable. With that in mind, how can we use these feelings and inconvenient happiness interceptors to our advantage?
It's about sitting with the discomfort and discontent and not retreating away from it. This is a fundamental Buddhist concept. Non-resistance. Simple acceptance of each passing emotion.
As humans, we have such a huge access to a vast spectrum of emotions. Think of them as colorful gurus, think of them as balloons that make an appearance in your skyview. We may see some emotions as good and some as bad. This is patently irrelevant. All can teach us more about ourselves and why we feel what we feel. Magnificent growth starts when you start to embrace that vast and infinite spectrum of human emotion and insecurity.
Here's a little experiment.
Let's say you get emotional and may take offense with what someone has said. You get angry. Seething anger that has the potential to affect your judgment.
What do you do?
Do you bottle it up?
Do you take it out on the person involved?
What if you were to take that little step back? This step back is also step forward. It's not that confusing. You step back in order to be more of a witness to what is happening within you. You can consciously take responsibility for your own reactions and emotions.
So you step back..
"I am angry."
It can be out loud or in your head. Heck, you can even write it down!
How do you feel when you say that?
What you are doing is essentially becoming conscious of your own emotions. But wait folks that's not all! Let's take it a step further.
Saying that you are angry is still an identifier with your illusory sense of self.
Do you understand?
You essentially aren't anger, but your self takes the form of the "concept of anger" in order to validate it's own existence within your psyche. You are essentially feeling anger. That is the observational and non-biased perspective with that "step back" you are taking.
So you can say, " I am feeling anger."
How does that make you feel?
Does that make you feel any "better"?
If it does, that is ok, but this whole exercise isn't about trying to feel better. It is about opening yourself to your own insecurities and letting them reveal the delicious nuggets that are inside. It's not about a quick fix solution or a proverbial destination. It is about accepting and feeling each truly uncomfortable and comforting feeling that comes inside the house of your head.
You were angry.
You told yourself you were angry.
You told yourself you were "feeling" anger.
By saying you were feeling anger, you were distancing yourself from that feeling because you were trying to intellectualize your emotions. This is a dangerous thing to do. You become the witness, but you may also detach yourself from the possibility of human growth.
You can simply accept and feel the emotion without trying to label it, categorize it or try to "fix" it. Feeling anger doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. Feeling anger is an access point to self compassion and self knowledge. Simple stating your emotions will help your become more conscious, but it is not a long term or a quick fix plan for personal development. Embrace without unconscious action.
The fact of the matter is, you are not the emotions. Your template existence is presence. The presence that allows for the acceptance of what is. That allows for the embracing of impermanence and uncertainty. That allows for true vulnerability.
When you truly feel a passing emotion, you are saying yes to the present. You are saying yes to what is. You are embracing the gift of humanity without trying to act it out with violence. You are accepting and breathing through the process. You are being with it and not resisting. As I have said before and I will say again, what you resists persists!
Accept that you are insecure.
That you are neurotic.
That you can be irrational.
That you can be irritable.
That you can be unconscious.
Most importantly, all of this is quite beautiful and inspiring.
Abandon the false thought of becoming a "better" person. That label has no meaning. The goodness will flow as a by product of your presence and your willingness to accept what is and the courage to learn from what was.
So it's not actually you that is insecure, but something inside of you is acting through you. Using you as a host body to express itself. It's there to guide you. To humble you. To bring you back into the presence instead of retreating to that swiffered comfy pillow place you always retreat to. Smile through that pain if you so dare! The amazing and miraculous human experience awaits you!