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Saturday, October 22, 2016

Why can't you sit still ?

Why can't you sit still? 
Well, why can't you?
It's an interesting and important question. 
Have you asked yourself this before? 
It's ok if you haven't, but now is a better time than any to do it. 

Why do you always distract yourself? 
Maybe you don't mean it intentionally. Most likely it's unconscious. Your mind wants to be constantly busy and entertained. This we can understand. You don't want to be uncomfortable so you reach for what is in front of you.

A phone. 
A screen of some sort.
A book. 
A smoke. 
A drink.

Bad thoughts come flooding in. So your mind wants you to distract you from it. You want to avoid the discomfort of it all. You want to escape the strain and stress of discomfort. 

Then you develop a habitual pattern of dealing with these pebbles turned boulders. It becomes part of "how you deal with things." So you keep on keeping on with the same diversion tactics you have so unconsciously participate in. You run. You turn. You seek. You strive to just get to a place of solace and entertainment. 

You say you don't have time to meditate.
You say you don't have the time to really go deep with yourself.
You say you don't have the time to go to therapy. 
You really don't want to go out of your way to delve deep and understand your problems. What makes you tick. What makes you squirm. 

So you push it aside.
You resist and it persists. 

So you try sitting still.
What happens?
You fidget. You start getting anxious. You may get bored. You may look around the room to see what needs to be cleaned. That chair is mighty dusty isn't it? 
That one book is poking out a little more than the others.
You notice that the ceiling fan makes a weird squeaking noise that you didn't notice before. 

See what's going on?
Your mind is trying to constantly occupy itself. What happens if you try to stop this? What happens when you push back? 

The mind gets noisier. The voice gets louder. Then you start to become increasingly in comfortable in your own skin. You are what's happening with your body? Good. Feel it. Don't resist. See how the mind and body are intricately entangled together. See how your body reacts to the under turmoil of the mind. The inner turmoil of compulsive thought. 

Start at your feet. 
Bring attention to it. You can say outloud or in your head," I am feeling my feet." 
Work your way up. 
How do your legs feel? 
Your waist? Your heart? 
Your shoulders? Your neck?
Your esophagus? 

Focus on your breath. You are breathing.
No need to force. Let yourself breathe organically. Let your mind focus on the inhalation and exhalation. Simply relax. Don't try silly. Just relax. 

How are you feeling?
How is the rest of your body feeling? 
Is your mind relaxed? 
Is your body relaxed? 
Refrain from trying to make yourself relax.
That's like fitting a square in a circular hole. It's not about achieving a certain state. It's about accepting unconditionally the state in every moment. You may feel a sharp pain your chest. Feel it. Don't try to "fix" it. Feel it. You will see that it is transient. It will pass. You've resisted in the past for long enough. Let your acceptance work through the wound up neurosis. 

" I am sitting still." 
Just vibe with that. You won't be sitting still forever. 

Here comes the thoughts...
You remember you forgot to pick up toilet paper and eggs.
You remember that you forgot to call your  friend back. 
You remember that you have a deadline coming up. 

The thought flood.
Are you pushing back? 
No? Good.
You're listening. See them as balloons. You hold into them and they float just above you. What happens when you let go of them? They go up into the sky. You can see them float away at their own accord. Smaller and smaller and then they're gone. Oh look, you are holding some more! Do you need to? That's what I thought. 

What a success it is to sit still. 
To sit with what is. 
To sit with uncertainty. 
To be with your body and the space around you.
To be with your mind. 
To be with discomfort. 
To be with your thoughts. 

To Be. 


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