The Selfishness of Empathy

 I know how you feel."


We all have probably said this statement in some form or another in our turbulent lives. We WANT to relate to our fellow people and the deep social need to connect allows us to bond with everyone else. We think that we can FEEL what others are feeling when we THINK we had a similar problem in the past. This all makes sense. It is important to observe what we mean by think and feel in this context.

We can see a kid crying because he was being bullied and attempt to relate to our past experience of being bullied. This brings up a whole host of images and emotions that circle our consciousness and become present in the foreground of awareness. That is an interesting thing, isn't it. It deals with awareness in context. Sometimes the emotions may override our composure and we get swept up in the feelings that we think are similar to the person in front of us. Of course, we cannot know exactly what the bullied child was feeling in that moment, but we can project ourselves into how we think he or she might be feeling.

ie; "We cannot actually know what someone else is feeling."

It is complex and there are a myriad of factors at play that allow us to experience what we may call "empathy". Does empathy necessarily exist as an evolutionary and biological function for the proliferation of the human race? There seems to be some social benefits for having a very empathetic framework that would allow us to feel more connected. On the surface, this makes sense, but this imagined concept of empathy could be more of a prop up or strengthener for the self.

If we get caught up with what we are feeling, then we can lose sight of what is actually happening around us. Even if we try to "rationalize" what we are feeling or even take an analytical step back from what we are feeling, we still fall prey to guarding and justifying the "I" or "Me" in a certain situation. What happens when you don't try to label, analyze or categorize and you just simply observe the chemical sensations happening with in you? Do these "feelings" subside when you look at who is actually feeling the sensations? Is it a biological trick of sorts?

If empathy is centered around thought then is it an illusion?
If we get wrapped in the story of how we think another person feels, then we get caught in the tangled compulsory nature of thought.

Since when is it about you?
We cannot possibly know the whole story. The full workings of chemicals and reactions with another. There is a separation there. The mind likes to fill in the "gaps".

"Most people see the benefits of empathy as akin to the evils of racism: too obvious to require justification. I think this is a mistake. I have argued elsewhere that certain features of empathy make it a poor guide to social policy. Empathy is biased; we are more prone to feel empathy for attractive people and for those who look like us or share our ethnic or national background. And empathy is narrow; it connects us to particular individuals, real or imagined, but is insensitive to numerical differences and statistical data. As Mother Teresa put it, “If I look at the mass I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.” Laboratory studies find that we really do care more about the one than about the mass, so long as we have personal information about the one." [2]

Taking things personally. Believing our own stories. Narratives the mind creates. We take these thought of how we think we are feeling and project them onto the world. People become mirrors of our own reflection. We feel an emotion that we think is similar and sometimes try to act on it. Where is that action coming from? Is that action mainly trying to help ourselves and strengthen the self by alleviating some empathetic response? What satisfaction do we get from helping people that we think are feeling what we have felt from the past?

Emotions are stories. Believing in these stories can lead us astray. We impose imaginary barriers and constructs on the world around us and the world within us.

"It is up to reason to determine whether an action conforms or fails to conform to some set of principles. It is also up to reason to determine whether some set of principles is consistent. But it is beyond reason by itself to determine whether one set of internally consistent principles is morally superior to another. For that, one needs something else. Current moral theories are driven by precisely this attempt to bring our principles and our "intuitions" into equilibrium with one another." [1]

Empathy could be seen as an evolutionary adaptation to survival. People are social creatures and the ability to emote and relate would work wonders in be successful in surviving and passing on their genes. Although this seems very dry and mechanical, it shines a light on why we tend to be so empathetic in the first place or place so much emphasis on it as a stand in virtue.

1.) Be more empathetic and feel for your fellow humans.
2.) Express that empathy through action.
3.) Be more accepted into the group or tribe.
4.) Ensure a more stable path towards survival or at least minimal conflict.

It is the observation of this emotion that we call empathy that can lead to us grow in how we make decisions. This can lead to us to a more mindful existence where we are less prone to emotional manipulation and pandering. It's not even about succumbing to some stone cold rationalist mindset either. It's about knowing when to integrate emotions to appropriate actions even if it means it is inconvenient or less optimal for our own "good".

--Empathy can be a great tool to understand the underlying and illusory separateness nature of US all.--

Integrating this construct of empathy can lead to the better health of ourselves and others. It radiates from our sense of self. Acting on empathy is mutually beneficial when one is aware of one's owns self contradictions and deceptions.

DG

Resources:

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/good-thinking/201310/why-paul-bloom-is-wrong-about-empathy-and-morality

[2] http://bostonreview.net/forum/paul-bloom-against-empathy







Quote:

It is up to reason to determine whether an action conforms or fails to conform to some set of principles. It is also up to reason to determine whether some set of principles is consistent. But it is beyond reason by itself to determine whether one set of internally consistent principles is morally superior to another. For that, one needs something else. Current moral theories are driven by precisely this attempt to bring our principles and our "intuitions" into equilibrium with one another.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/good-thinking/201310/why-paul-bloom-is-wrong-about-empathy-and-morality

Quote:

Most people see the benefits of empathy as akin to the evils of racism: too obvious to require justification. I think this is a mistake. I have argued elsewhere that certain features of empathy make it a poor guide to social policy. Empathy is biased; we are more prone to feel empathy for attractive people and for those who look like us or share our ethnic or national background. And empathy is narrow; it connects us to particular individuals, real or imagined, but is insensitive to numerical differences and statistical data. As Mother Teresa put it, “If I look at the mass I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.” Laboratory studies find that we really do care more about the one than about the mass, so long as we have personal information about the one.

http://bostonreview.net/forum/paul-bloom-against-empathy


The problems that arise here have to do with emotional empathy—feeling another’s pain. This leads to what psychologists call empathetic distress. We can contrast this with non-empathetic compassion—a more distanced love and kindness and concern for others. Such compassion is a psychological plus. Putting aside the obvious point that some degree of caring for others is morally right, kindness and altruism are associated with all sorts of positive physical and psychological outcomes, including a boost in both short-term mood and long-term happiness. If you want to get happy, helping others is an excellent way to do so.