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Tuesday, February 21, 2017

A Little Too Much

A little bit "too" much
They said I was a little bit too much. Too much for them to handle. Too much for their own agendas. I didn't fit in and I just couldn't win. I wasn't trying to be too much. They perceived me as being too much. It's not my fault. It is always something with these people. Isn't it?
Just not the right person they want. The right person they are projecting onto another person. Just outside of their comfort zones. Just outside of their tolerance of what actually is.
You might be able to relate.
You might be too dull.
Too excitable.
Too talkative.
Too quiet.
Too boisterous and opinionated.
Too much like your father.
Too much to keep with.
Too much to hang out with.
Too much of a time commitment.

We can never get it just right, can we? Our small little quirks and neurotic manifestations are such a stick in the mud for some people. I mean you're ok with it, right?
But are any of those "too much" statements your problem? Are any of those statements factual and honest? I mean you are doing the best job of just trying to be yourself, right?

There are certainly things we can work on. This is true. Some things just out of the grasp of our current state of consciousness. Some things we regret. Some things we take for granted. This all makes us who we are today. This all makes us the perfect imperfections we embody.

But who owns the way you act? You do. Does it even matter if people think you are too much or not enough? What value does it add to our lives? The fact of the matter is, you are enough and you aren’t enough to what you incessantly compare yourself to. What people think or feel about your general energy is not your responsibility. This however does not warrant you to act as a complete jerk or fool. It is freeing to realize that no matter what label or feeling people place on you is on them. It is their own reflection of unconsciousness. It is equally amazing and terrifying at the same time.

Why be a little “too much” when you can be a lot of “too much”? Why not go towards the extreme? We can really ride with the things that irritate or put off people so much. The things that throw people outside of their comfort bubbles. The things that separate us from other people and make us unique. In a way it unites us. It makes us appreciate our shared humanity. The things that push our limits and our buttons. It allows us to look at why things bother us so deeply and so easily. It allows us to observe our insecurities head on in a blaring deer in the headlight like vision.

That is what it is. Whatever people think is a reflection of their own insecurities. Mirrors upon mirrors. People will have their own distinct discrimination biases and preferences that will compliment and conflict with each other.

A “little too much” begins as just a thought. It only exists within the imagination of the imagineer.  When we can look at this judgment as just a thought, we can look at the absurdity of it all. The divine comedy. The grand spectacle. Those thoughts have nothing to do with you. Only the distorted perception and bias of another.

If you tell yourself that you are not enough or too much of something, who is saying that? Is it your ego? Is there a reason for this madness? Is it the false sense of self that tries to convince us that salvation is at the next turn? Is it the suffering of the past living through us? Is it the unattainable standards we can’t seem to face directly and accept?

The thoughts keep swimming through our brain. What thoughts do we choose to catch? Do we try to catch the ones that give us very little power and awareness? Or do we let them swim downstream away from our awareness? Do you have too much of the “Too Much” Fish? They may look enticing, but look how exhausting they make you feel.

We are everything and nothing at the same time. The compliments of light and dark. The yin and the yang. The desert and the ocean.

Why do we constantly try to fill our own voids while becoming so self conscious of what people think of us? Do we simply try to conform to avoid conflict? Do we try to simply fit in order for us to be treated that we want to be treated even if it is not truly authentic?

We love to create the ideal images of ourselves and shoo away or ignore the things we don’t like about ourselves. We act as if we are trying to chase and grab our most ideal sense of self at each moment. In every passing mood and emotion, we are doing the best with what we have. This may lead to certain moments that we don’t like. Certain moments that we think aren’t representative of our own glorified ideal selves. What a wonderful experience. What an experience to experience all these diverse and important experiences!
So are you just too much or not enough for some people?

Good!  Let them feel what they want to feel without you trying to defend or prove yourself. The people that you need in your life will show up without the effort of you trying to control your or other people’s behaviors. The fact of the matter is, there is no need to try to change the people around you. There is no reason to try to curtail and edit yourself into the perfectly domesticated image that they have swimming around in their heads. Accept their inability to not see you for who you are in all your imperfect glory. Accept that all you can do is accept and be honest with them. The virtues of honesty and acceptance will have their own consequences with the relationships around you. Some might turn away from the truths they do not want to hear. Accept it. Embrace it. Some will open up like a rose and blossom with compassion and truth. Shine your light outward and see who or what it attracts. It might be too much for some people. Good! They will find their crowd. Let them go and wish them luck.

You have no time to try to fit yourself with their own unconscious mental imagery based upon personal preferences and imaginary ideals.


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