What’s the big deal with narcissism? The term seems to be thrown around like a dirty sock constantly missing a white hamper basket. In this society, we see narcissism as being vile, negative and deconstructive. Rightfully so? “We” think narcissists just don’t care about other people and only care about themselves. Do narcissists deserve such a bad rap?
If we really look at narcissism, we can see that it’s something rather particular. It involves a certain type of body chemistry and compulsory thought neurosis that creates what we call a narcissistic person. We think that they are full of themselves, but maybe they are just bigger mirrors for our insecurities. Do narcissists need more attention than what they are getting or craving? Are narcissists just children crying inside reaching out for help?
Aren’t we all a little narcissistic? We all have some type of self interest. Some of us have more “radical self interest” than others. We want to work on ourselves. We compare ourselves to others, judge and condemn others we find displeasing and abhorrent. Does it make us particularly narcissistic when we start placing our needs before others or we align ourselves on some type of benign moral hierarchy? Maybe narcissism is a signpost of unconscious suffering. Is narcissism just a wall put up for people to escape certain past traumas? We are trapped in our own heads and trapped within our own limited thoughts and “knowledge”.
Is there anything morally wrong with being a narcissist? A narcissist may be so involved or “full of themselves” that they isolate themselves from society, but they don’t exist in a vacuum. They may talk at you instead of with you, but they still depend on the good nature and labor of others. Narcissists could not survive in an environment of isolation because they would be deprived of attention and have no incentive to inflate their illusory sense of self. A narcissist is much different than a sociopath, because a narcissist may still resemble certain attributes of empathy and compassion. Most narcissists will have some type of thing or person they are passionate about.
The fact that we can so easily identify and scorn someone as a narcissist, means that we are not willing to listen to what is really happening within us. The labeling comes from the minds work of dividing and fragmenting. From this fragmenting, comes a sense of conflict. When we are so eager to give a label, we strip the humanity from the individual we are scrutinized. So when we can paint with a broad narcissistic brush, we are hurting more of ourselves than the people we unconsciously categorize. We drive ourselves further into unconsciousness when our mind thrives on categorical division fueled by thought. Are you listening to me?
If we call someone a narcissist, are we merely subconsciously displaying a reflection of our own narcissistic nature? Is our own “ego” inherently narcissistic? Can we really tell is we are being narcissistic if we aren’t really conscious of it? If we assign the concept of narcissism on a spectrum, aren’t we fragmenting it from thought? Aren’t we placing it on levels of division comparable to an Us vs. Them false dichotomy? Who is to say that one person is more narcissistic than the other when you can only see narcissism from a fragmented viewpoint based on compulsory thought and their own conditioning? Are you still listening to me? Are you listening to THEM?
Why not let Narcissists be Narcissists? Why try to scorn or change their behaviors? Want to help? That’s great, but maybe it starts with listening to ourselves first and observing what actually is and not what “should be”. Maybe it involves the abandonment of debilitating labels and prejudice. Do narcissists need help or do we need help in attempting to understand why they are narcissists in the first place? I mean, do narcissists even exist?
Narcissism = Compulsory Thought+ Chemical Imbalance+ Conditioning from the past+ Memory+ Disorder+ Neurosis
When you identify with the “I”, you are identifying with a false sense of self. A self that is based on the mind and division from the observer and the observed. This I is self contained in compulsory thought that makes you unaware and confused. That compulsory thought creates a type of psychosis that feeds on its own dysfunction and disorder. When we separate and categorize, aren’t we being inherently narcissistic. Aren’t we dividing ourselves with comparison, and resisting what is and the possibility of relationship and “compassion”?
How many times do you say “I” in a day? Who is saying “I”? Are you even conscious of how many times you say “I” in a day or in a minute? It can be in your head or voiced out from your vocal chords. It’s that voice that your mind produces. It is the voice that is conditioned from your past and memory. Is someone really at fault if the don’t know what they are doing or why they are doing it? Is a narcissistic a victim of his or hers own unconsciousness/ consciousness?
Can you truly be a narcissist if you are really aware that you are a narcissist?
When labeling someone as a narcissist, are we moving away from what is to what should be? Instead of helping or inquiring deeper, are limiting ourselves from observing and understanding what is? What stops us from embracing a person for who or she actually is? How they exist in that very moment. Why they act the way they act. Instead, our mind categorizes,shuns and acts upon our preferences that are conditioned from our past. It is easy to label and move away from people when they don’t meet our petty standards brought about by thought and memory. What good does it do to write people off? How does it feel in our bodies? Does it make us feel uncomfortable? Do we feel better about ourselves when we compare our own delusion and disorderly unconsciousness to other people? That’s the ego, right there. The thing that constantly thrives off the conditioning of the past and compulsory thought. Thriving off of confusion and disorder.
What good does it do to call people narcissists? Think about it. What good does it do for you? Does it further your own isolation and division from the people around you? Does it make you more receptive to continually making callous labels and accusations? Does it bring you any peace or any solace? How does it make YOU feel?
Look, I might not be the smartest bug on the rug, but I can tell you that I am a pretty good thinker. I mean I might be better than you. I don’t know. I mean what is wrong with thinking that I am better than you? Am I hurting you? Am I creating more suffering or isolating myself from you? I respect you. I really do. I find that you compliment me quite nicely. I find that I am pretty good at driving. I am a safe driver. Unlike you. I have seen you drive. It makes me scared, but I am safe. So how does that feel? How does it feel to be not the best driver compared to me? See what I am getting at? Are you still listening? Alright.
I was looking in the mirror the other day and I was just adoring my hair. The way it waves and the vibrant color. It is almost as if the hair has a mind of its own, but it is still part of me. It is my hair. I can do whatever I want to my hair and I would have to say I put in quite a bit of effort trying to make this hair look miraculous. It compliments my beautiful eyes and my vivacious chin. You know, I was mostly born this way, but I also have a pretty good exercise regiment and diet. Have you been keeping up with my blog posts? I think they are great? I mean I could improve, but I think that I am a pretty good writer. I am doing great even when others think I am doing poorly. Why does it matter what they think? That is THEM and this is ME! ME! Me, I tell you! Well enough about me, how about you? But wait, one more thing. I don’t have long to talk, I have a lot of important things to do and I also have a hair appointment in the morning. Sorry to cut things short, but I really ought to go. I know we can catch up later, please give me a call or send me a message, I get pretty busy and it’s hard for me to make time to make the first move. I know what you’re thinking. I could be better at planning, but look at this new planning app I just downloaded. Isn’t it great? Well look at the time, have a great night!
How does my hair look now?