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Thursday, January 12, 2017

Why Me?!?

Why Me?



Why Me? Why Me, God? Why have I been chosen for such ill and undesired fate? Why have I had misfortune and agony thrown upon me? What have I done to deserve such wrath? What have I done to deserve this misery and suffering?

Why Me? I ask myself. Why have I been chosen for this? Well, I can only be responsible for my own deeds and decisions of the past. Maybe I should ask myself why I am asking the “Why Me” question in the first place. Maybe I should take a step back see who is actually asking the question.

In context, I am asking myself this question because of some inconvenient and possible tragic set of events or momentary event that just happened? What would be the purpose? Obviously, my expectations were set at a level where I thought I was almost immune to bad events and suffering. There’s my mistake! Right?

I constructed this identity that alluded to the fact that I have been mostly good and therefore any bad deeds shall not be thwarted upon my self. I am identifying with my life story. The story that the self and the ego constructs with little blocks that seem to align with pleasure and pain. Reward centers, guilt, shame and all that mess. So the “Why Me” question feeds the false sense of self and punishes you by making you be so dependent on external conditions. The vicious cycle of blame and refusal of self acceptance and self ownership. For one, your(my) decisions are what you got here in the first place and not your external situations and conditions.

( I shall use “You” and “me” in this piece in order to relate to myself and the reader. Together we can move forward to truth on that this trivial and most human matter. )

The Why Me question seems to quickly be followed by “What was I thinking”? Well what were you thinking? Maybe you weren’t thinking at your most optimal. Maybe you were thinking at just the right amount with just the right conditions and mental state at play. Think about it. We learn most from hard lessons. From having misinformation, acting out of character, making mistakes and stumbling upon unforeseen circumstances. So whatever you were thinking in the past flub or moment has made you who you were today. You were acting in the moment or acting out of unconsciousness. You were doing your best with what you knew at that moment. Isn’t that spectacular? Isn’t that remarkably human?

So Why You?

Why be the center of attention? Here is where the deception of the mind begins. You convince yourself of who you are through different identifiers and actions of the past. You and I often refuse to acknowledge that we are in a constant state of flux. A constant state of progress. The words Me and You are all very possessive. So when you ask yourself “Why Me?” it is your self taking control. It is your self ( the product of time ) that tricks you into its little games. It is the rejection of what is and the inability and/or the unconsciousness of not accepting the past acts and transgressions of your past “self”.

You are always able to start fresh and to be in control of what comes your way. We spend so much time resisting and molding our life “situations” into our own self perceived ideals and mental constructs. What ever happened has happened. You are responsible for your own reaction. You can choose to ride the roller-coaster of disappointment or surrender to the moment and accept yourself unconditionally now and at every unexpected turn.

What you did or thought in the past is what you did or thought in the past.
You are here now, aren’t you? If you are caught in the cobwebs of the monkey mind, you still have a chance to be here now. You still have a chance to compassionately accept who you were 5 years ago, 5 minutes ago and 5 hours ago. You can relax into the bath of uncertainty and accept your wonderfully diverse being, or perpetuate a cycle of judgment, harsh criticism and suffering. We can use gratitude as a door into our most compassionate, vulnerable and authentic state of being.

Those moments of embarrassment, disappointment and discomfort are portals into human growth and awareness. Instead of kicking ourselves literally or figuratively, we can step back both literally and figuratively and check in to what really is going on? Why would I say Why Me?  How does it make me feel? Is this a habit I have got myself caught in for most of my life? Is this a way of deflecting, projecting or escaping my true potential or inner peace? It is these questions that are so important. These questions that don’t need an immediate answer. Without trying to swim towards certainty and comfort. The questions we can ask ourselves with patience and kindness. The courage and vulnerability to dig deeper within us to see what really is going on. The ability to love ourselves for the experiences that we have put ourselves through over time.

We can simply remind ourselves that we act based upon our level of consciousness and what we know at the time. We may become emotionally compromised and do something out of character. This is good. This shows that we have much to be learned about ourselves. This shows that we can improve and come out stronger from the suffering. This shows that are teachers are everywhere and are in almost everything. It is all about cracking that door open just enough to see without trying to shut it right away when something unfortunate or uncomfortable comes our way. The ability to be alive with what is and be grateful with what was and what certainly can be. It is that ability to be with uncertainty at every turn.

So...

Why Me? Why You? Why anybody else? The Why in Why is what we need to tell. To dig deep within and resist the urge to slander. To not push back on what is and what was and let it leak into our candor. The root of blame is toxic and when we learn that it’s not constructive, We can turn our attention inward and not be so destructive. So take a moment to relax through the storm you call your life, It’s there to serve you and not create such illusory strife.

DG

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