Check Your Projection

The world is at your finger tips! 

There we can find a massive archive of information and entertainment. A symphony of sense data to occupy our minds and attention with. How amazing yet constricting at the same time. Boredom is no longer a threat to us. The thought of our mind wandering and us not doing anything can send us into a tailspin of anxiety and disillusion. 

We have created a type of chamber or (prison) that we like all neatly decorate to our own liking. Surrounded by nostalgia, comfort and convenience. The three sisters that can trap us in a box of our own unchecked ideas and behaviors. Hey, at least most prisons are safe within their own cells, right?

This modern boxed in world has allowed us to create identities and constantly be in a loop of thoughts and things that interest us or even enrage us. It's much more convenient to get outraged theses days and as we all know most of it is by design. By design to control us and to keep industries alive that cater to our wants, needs and insecurities. Ads! Ads! Ads! Outrage Peddling is a hot commodity! We get caught in webs of emotional appeals that drag us from our sense of inner peace and self awareness. But it makes us feel alive! Our pleasure sensors are constantly aroused and we are left lost when we are without some type of constant mind occupation. We may tell ourselves that we are rational beings and that we don't get emotional, but our actions and reactions might say otherwise. 

We go from screen to screen. From thought to thought. From affirmation to rebuttal. From stillness to erraticism. It's these constant swings from polarities that create a sense of fatigue and rampant egotism. A swing, a hit and a miss.

A big portion of the population engaged in internet battles and conversations have built an illusory sense of self. A mask that they think that they are right, morally superior, a victim or the winner in a battle against evil or misinformation. How Manichean. How formulaic and divisive. It all makes sense. We want to pick our battles, but most of the time we let the battles choose us. It feels good to be right and it feels bad to be wrong, but learning to grow from being wrong can allow for growth within individuals. It's the temporary discomfort and the sting that people try to avoid. This is why there is cognitive dissonance and people will double down on their beliefs when they are challenged or threatened. It's even worse when you feel like you will be ostracized from a group. A group that made you feel welcome and an innate sense of belonging. Tribalism can take over perfectly good people and transform them into mob like goons and heretics. Tools for their own ideological suppression!

A Sense of Belonging may make us feel a part of something bigger than ourselves, but when we let the group define who we are, it degrades our capacity to critically think. We may even get to the point where we wouldn't want to do something against the rules of the group because we would lose that sense of belonging. And that is manipulative. 

A lot of conflict has to deal with the ideas and (ideals) that we may consciously or unconsciously identify with. We internalize these deals and form a distorted and maybe morally righteous perception. A perception based on a future that we think is the best. Not just for us, but mostly everyone around us. Is this a good thing? It's all based on context and how willing we are to engage with others that may have competing or opposing views of the world and how it should be. Great conversations are started when we are able to listen and not try to impose our ideas or wills on the others around us. It's easy to project onto others and get them to steer the same ship we are on. But where does that get us?

What's your first reaction when hearing someone expressing a competing view? Disgust? Interest? Curiosity? What comes first in how we react says more about us than the conflicting person in question. 

Plenty of people try to shut down arguments or manipulate you by trying to get you to acknowledge and "Check your privilege". This seems like a decent thing to do. Everyone starts and grows up with a wide variance of environmental and genetic factors. None of us start from the same place and we probably never will. That's an important and pretty obvious thing to acknowledge. It is however not a way to truly engage or advance and argument. Some people could see it as being a personal attack and that's on them. Both parties much take responsibility for their own actions and reactions in order to move forward. We can move together and see what is constructive and what is bringing more harm or what is simply bringing nothing to the table. 

Now, what is projection in the psychological sense?

Psychological projection is a defense mechanism in which the ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves by attributing them to others. (wikipedia)

The Issue in how we react is important. People are conditioned today to be "reactive" and not "responsive". There is a big difference. Reactivity is on the defensive and most of the time inflates the sense of self we so cling to. Being responsive requires responsibility and productivity. It is taking a potentially bad scenario and using it for problem solving or a progression of tasks and/or ideas. 

Are we really being fair with how we respond to others?

This concept of fairness can go along way if we all can peacefully coexist without trying to force others to be "fair". We all work together quite well when acknowledging and supporting everyone's unique skills and traits. What can you offer to the table that doesn't involve ridiculing or critiquing another person? When you are critical of another, you are more critical of the image your mind has made of them than the actual person being criticized. It is the projection of the image from your mind that creates more conflict and confusion.

When we acknowledge our responsibilities and have self awareness, we can grow as an individual and thus influence the growth of others around us. It starts with YOU. It starts with Checking Your Projection and not telling others what to do or even THINK. It starts with observing your reactions and your emotions that bubble up to the top and leak out into the physical world around us. Who are we to tell someone else what to do anyhow? Who are we to denigrate someone's struggles? There is no use in trying to reduce someone to a metric of privilege or a rung on a ladder of oppression. We can acknowledge our differences and find a common ground. A common ground built on self awareness, growth and having the patience to listen to new and refreshing perspectives. 

When encountering a possible argument ask yourself, "Is it worth my time and worth my energy?" 

Who are what are we really defending? and WHY?

How much of YOU interacting is just waiting around for YOU to talk? 

What we project onto others says more about you than about "them". How we react to someone that makes us angry or uncomfortable is an opportunity to learn and observe on why we reacted a certain way in the first place. What we want may not be what others want. What we need may not be what others need. Who are YOU to know what others can do for YOU?

It's like that old adage, "Hurt people hurt people." We all have unresolved traumas, but its easy to point the finger at something or someone outside of ourselves. The real work is internal no matter how painful and uninviting it may feel. 

Ultimately, Checking Your Projection requires a great deal of self awareness and responsibility. If someone makes you feel disturbed, you are still complicit in the act. Was it really the other person that made you angry or irritated? Or are you merely exposing something within you that you have not addressed? They are more calls to action than red flags. The beauty lies in dealing with it in the moment with curiosity and patience. Running away or casting blame will only make things worse down the line. 

Checking Your Projection means observing your own defense mechanisms and ideas. It does not mean suppressing or resisting them. Let your projections be teachers and not tyrants. 

What are you really putting out into the world that is worth someone else's energy and time?

Or...

Is it even worth YOUR energy and time?

Discomfort can be way forward and when are fine with exploring that together, we can move forward together as individuals in an efficient and productive unit. Embrace that discomfort. Embrace your projection, but don't resist it. Let it inform you and guide you more inward. Simply let it be and take a beat.

~DG