Apologize or Die!

In this current deliciously decadent cultural landscape, one can see the pitchforks raised both on the internet and around the discomfort of a holiday family meal. Anyone famous or anyone who gets the spotlight shot on them gets a heavy dose of reality. A real "15 (make that "5" ) minutes of fame in a media playground quick to publish a story of the "clicks". The blatant ad riddled motives of these "narrative controllers" are shown on display, labeling anyone as a pariah and an outcast when something off kilter of not hermetically homogenized to the potent political leanings at the time.

People get upset and they express it. Well, how dare they? What makes people so quick to call other people names and so feverishly prescribe a multitude of Scarlet letters? We all have our flaws. Some people are better at projecting their insecurities then others. Some people want to put down others to make themselves feel better about their so called image and branding. It must feel really good to get that collective pat on the back after broadcasting your opinion to the world. Oh the horror! Oh the recognition. One would think that the basis of the word "meme" would deal directly with the call to action with one's own sense of self importance. Key aspect: the me and the me. All about me!

*Take a look in the mirror kiddo.*
The Convenience of Narcissism in the Modern World.

So what happens when something is said or done that goes against the progressively puritanical culture milieu and all of its illusory constructs? People want justice. People want retribution. At the very least, people want an apology. An apology to reestablish the current order and narrative in the dominating culture. The order must be restored! Like any middle of the line "group think" fundamentalist, they would prefer that they could all restore the sense of belonging and importance to they moral authoritative set of values. This is the power of collectivism. Any challenging viewpoint or opinion can be a threat to the networked establishment. It becomes about sticking to the "commandments" of the group. The individual gets zapped and forgotten in a bulbous mess of collective identity.

Cogent Question:
Do people want retribution or a redistribution of power? The demand for an apology may act as a need to subvert someone's own autonomy to a bigger ideal. The ideal is always admiration. It can never be achieved.

What exactly does an apology do? Does it make things better after the fact? Is it about making the person affected by the other person feel better? Is it about resolving a conflict and going towards closure?

"Deep religious and moral conflicts characterize the subjective circumstances of justice. Those engaged in these conflicts are surely not in general self-interested, but rather, see themselves as defending their basic rights and liberties which secure their legitimate and fundamental interests. Moreover, these conflicts can be the most intractable and deeply divisive, often more so than social and economic ones." - John Rawls,  Justice as Fairness: A Restatement


Certainly, we have heard apologies and are pretty accurately able to tell which one is authentic or not. The body language. The way it is said. These are key factors in determining the fruitfulness of an apology. When someone feels wrong, are they obligated an apology? What if their was no will or bad intention from the supposed "offender"? If a person is dependent on another person for their well being or general resolve, then there in lies a problem. If a person is assuming or expecting an apology, that is on them. Of course there are instances where the intention matters, but that doesn't seem to change the validity of an expectation or an assumption. There are many other options. Any negative reaction to a negative offense rests on how it is handled. Once again it goes back to how one chooses to react to a certain situation.

Responsibility = Response Ability 

There is the option of walking away or absorbing the negative action or words. It's all about energy. Our bodies and emotions most of the time might react before we think we have conscious control. Think about how you are in the car and someone cuts you off. Sometimes there might be an immediate burst that exits your mouth. Within a matter of seconds, your well being and mood has been frazzled. You can feel it coursing through your veins with a vengeance. So this is good to know. It is good to understand the involuntary and very quick reactions our body makes in certain moment to moment scenarios. It boils down to how one is conscious of these minute bodily reactions. To observe without immediate reaction is to grow into a new sense of understanding.

When you understand the self ownership of each individual, you can see the absurdity of a person or a group of people attempting to "demand an apology." Why should anyone try to press another person for an apology if there is no guarantee that they will do (authentically)? Think of the totalitarian nature of trying to demand something. This type of thinking operates under the premise of trying to please another and give them power. It is an ultimate manipulative power move.

“The Fairness Principle: When contemplating a moral action, imagine that you do not know if you will be the moral doer or receiver, and when in doubt err on the side of the other person.”

— Michael Shermer, The Moral Arc: How Science and Reason Lead Humanity Toward Truth, Justice, and Freedom

Monkey's head on a stick. A nick in the social fabric.

The story goes that a monkey's head was put on a stick by a human to warn the other monkey's of what would happen if they got out of line. What a gruesome and worrying reminder for the consequences of your actions. That is something to behold. Consequences are key in understanding the actions of individuals. It takes the foresight of what could happen in any scenario. It takes the imagination to imagine what type of action could affect your future self and the people around you. What an amazing tool we have been given. The pre frontal cortex and other neurological factors allows us to pause in between thought, stimulus and action. That "gap" in between can really make us understand why we feel the need to apology or demand an apology in the first place.

Apology Extremists. You can't understand the world from an extremist view. You need malleability.

Q:
Can the demand for an apology using coercive tactics be considered as valid?

Q2:
What is the correct criteria for apologies and acts of forgiveness? 

In Justice as Fairness: A Restatement, Rawls writes:

So what better alternative is there than an agreement between citizens themselves reached under conditions that are fair for all?

[…][T]hreats of force and coercion, deception and fraud, and so on must be ruled out.

Some people have committed so dogmatically to their metaphorical pitchforks are stuck in a limited and dangerous perception. They decorate their echo chambers with all the self fulfilling aspects of their own illusory identities. These apology extremists will stop at nothing to just get what they think is right and not have the patience or the listening power to even consider a different option outside their dogmatic beliefs. In what ways should one pay attention to these extremists if they will only meet with unrelenting aggression and evangelical actions?

To listen is an act of love. To enforce is to potentially stagnate.

Value of uncertainty.

Each action has a certain level of uncertainty. If one person had no ill intent and somehow offends a person or a group of people, where does the responsibility of an apology lie? You cannot please anyone and any action that is antithetical to another person's own's set of limited beliefs will always create division and conflict. It is understanding this fact where people can transcend their own awareness. It is the act of turning the mirrors on their own self when an uncomfortable and ultimately untimely and uncertain moment presents itself. Would an apology give you a sense of closure? Would investing your ENERGY in something that upset you be the best use of you limited energy in the first place?

Observe that need or that feeling you have for validation and closure.

Is there a need for justice or is there a need for vengeance?
Also,
Who decides what is fair?

It's not about being nice.
It's not about easing a discomfort.

It's about understanding your values. It's also about communicating those values.
When you are in a position where you understand that you value and how you act it out, everything will fall into place and nothing will disrupt your inner peace.

DG

Sources:
https://fs.blog/2017/10/veil-ignorance/