The Importance of Negative People

The Importance of Negative People

The Sit Down.


Q: I seem to be surrounding myself with negative people. I don’t really see myself as a negative person, but why would a majority of my friend be negative? Am I in denial? Am I not seeing something? What can I do to not surround myself with negative people?


A: Great Questions. I will have to ask. Why do you not want to surround yourself with negative people? I mean, I think none of us consciously want to do it, but why do we allow ourselves to keep them so prominent in our lives? It is a good question. Maybe these negative people tell us more about us than it does about them.

Q: That is true. I do not want to surround myself with negative people, but I am not sure why I am asking this question now when these people have been in my life for a while now.

A: I understand completely. You are seeing these negative people as outside of yourself. This of course is true in real life, but there might be a deeper reason for why they are still such a major factor in your life. They might give you more value than you think. We have heard many times before that people can be reflections of our own insecurities. This has some truth to it for sure. We may want to shift the blame onto other negative people and not take responsibility for our own behaviors. It may be a little more ironic too. Certainly, you may have general concern for why negative people are in your present life, but would you say that you are complaining?

Q: I wouldn’t say that I am complaining, but I might be in denial.

A: You very could well be in denial. Whether you are in denial or not, it doesn’t really matter for the bigger question at hand. Do you understand where I am coming from? You may have been conditioned to have these negative people in our life out of proximity, obligation and passiveness. You may be “waking up” to the fact that you haven’t been completely in control. They could have chosen you more than you have chosen them. Does this make sense? Either way, these dysfunctional relationships emerge out of unconsciousness. They emerge our of the resistance to “What Is”. Maybe we should look more into ourselves to see how and why this negativity is so important to us?

Q: This is very enlightening, but are you saying that it may be more of me than them?

A: Not entirely. You see, you are still trying to “otherize” these negative people. They are indeed just the images of them in your head that you have pieced together from your past interactions, personal thoughts and how you were raised. So these people you are struggling with are just the false identifiers in your head. They are the mental constructs. It is of your own limited perception and opinion that you are facing and resisting. These people are negative because you place them on the spectrum of negativity. You and many people immediately discriminate based upon our own concepts of division and judgments of character. In a way this is beautiful. These people are going through their own battles. Their own suffering. We may want to label them as “negative” because they aren’t really offering us much value and we don’t choose to take responsibility or look at what is actually happening. They are indeed reflections of your own conditioning and insecurities. Do you see what I am getting at?

Q: Yes, I do. I feel as if I am projecting so much of what I feel on the people around me. I choose to label them as negative. Well maybe I don’t choose so much. It is the lack of choice that I am unconscious to. Now that you bring it to light, I can see that I have not been very aware of my internal dialogue and atmosphere. How can I change for the better? Should I totally abandon my negative friends?

A: Great questions once again. If you are seeking for companionship or friendship in the outer world and you are not taking the time or the patience to observe what is happening within you, you are doing yourself a great disservice. You are stagnating. Do you understand? So when you see these beautiful neurotic people, you can either accept them for who they are and how they act or you can delve deeper into unconsciousness and your neurosis and resist. What you resist persists. When you aren’t aware of what is happening, you are just perpetuating the same behaviors. You will attract the same type of people. You will perpetuate your acts of gossip, hearsay and complaining. It is not a matter of making a distinct decision in whether or not to abandon your friends, it is being aware of what is happening within you in the first place.  When you can truly be with what is and accept the fact that you have no real sway in manipulating other people’s behaviors, things will unravel for what needs to happen. Not for the greater good. Not for the “benefit” or the “Increase of Value”, but for health and quality and awareness of consciousness itself.

Q: This is starting to make more sense now. I see that the world is within me and I can choose to control it.

A: Well, you are correct on the first part. It is not about control however. Not in this situation. When you are trying to control, you are trying to fit into a mental constructed ideal. You are reaching solutions without really trying to understand the problem. You see “ trying to control” is a form of resistance. You are going against the what is and moving more to a “ What should Be.” You are making the effort to change your behavior to fit a goal. This may all seem reasonable and logical, but in fact it is a form of self resistance. You are right to take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. You are seeing control as a means to align yourself with a false identity. A mask to escape discomfort. You see, all these negative people are some of the best teachers. They are hidden gems for us to open up, be vulnerable and truly experience our inner turmoil without trying to analyze or compartmentalize it. Do you see now? These negative people start to shed their own toxic skin right in front you. Your limiting judgments that were based on conditioning and division will transmute into compassion and understanding. These people may be hurting, but when you are attentive with what is going on, you can truly listen and feel the totality of each conflicting situation. When you surrender to the present moment, you are accepting these negative individuals with no agenda of trying to change, judge or fix them and at the same time you are accepting yourself. Accepting yourself unconditionally. When this happens, you radiate that acceptance and the world around you begins to change. You can accept the movement for all of its ugliness and all of its beautiful offerings.

Q: I am truly grateful. I feel as if a great weight has lifted off of my shoulders. It is freeing to realize that I have been creating these problems all along. It is freeing to realize that I don’t need to try to get a “quick fix” to my misunderstandings and self created problems. I realize the effect of my own unconsciousness. I truly embrace what will happen next without the need to try to simply change what is around me. I know that by trying to change what is within me will not come from simply trying to change what is within me. I accept this fact and I accept that I am indeed part of this world as much as my negative friends around me. It is not my job to spread kindness and compassion in this world, but I know that it will come if I am attentive to what is. How can I ever thank you.

A: Ha Ha. No need to thank me. You have realized more by yourself than from me. Go out and discover through the murky swamp of unforeseen opportunities and the unseen. These answers that you are looking for are all within you. I am part of you. You have arrived here through the unraveling of certain circumstances. Was it destined? Well, destiny is an odd concept isn’t it? Surely none of this was predetermined, but most of it was influenced from your unconscious and your past conditioning. You may think that you want to attain knowledge, but when you see knowledge as a separate thing from yourself, you are not truly being knowledgeable. Do what you will with what i have told you. Do not repeat it or try to remember it. Try not to forget it, but simply let is sink in. Keep asking these important questions. Do not be too eager to find solutions. Most of the questions could have solutions with itself. It takes great depth and patience to be with uncertainty. Every waking moment is a chance to just sit with uncertainty and not try to magically change it to certainty. We can be certain that there will always be uncertainty. Can’t we not. I am not giving you orders. Do not see any of these “do not” statements as commands. I am merely talking words. The greatest guide is yourself and we can both move towards truth together when we see that we are of the same world and same consciousness.


DG