Falling in Love with Misery

Falling in love with Misery

You sit there almost motionless on the park bench. You've had a hell of a day. Hell, we all have had hell of a day type of hell of a daze once in a bright blue sarcastic moon. When and how did you get so miserable?

Life just hasn't worked out in your favor. Your thought you would be more successful by now. You thought you would be on top of the world and ahead of the game. You did everything you were told you were suppose to do. Didn't you?

You moved like a shark, circling the murky waters of life around you. You implemented strategies of positivity, motivation and self help actualization that skyrocketed you into prideful states of normalcy. You didn't think life would become so drab, dull and routine.

You achieved that so you achieve the next time. You strove for the delicious status that you were told would give you the edge over everyone else. That sense of completion paired with a side of success garnished with a subtle pairing of complacency.

So why are you so miserable?
Is misery all that bad?
Is misery a mystery coated with a potent gravy sauce?

We sometimes see misery as an external force that comes to visit like an annoying door to door steak salesman. It is that force that we feel deep in our chest and our bodies. It's that dragging and draining energy that we sometimes associate with the concepts of loneliness, pain and suffering.

How are we miserable?

We say we are miserable because we are not getting what we want or we have a particular ailment, physical or metaphorical that convinces that our life situation is so drab and unfulfilled. Misery is created in the mind and felt throughout the entire body. Misery perpetuates the false sense of self and the ideal that we will never be or have enough. We almost allow misery to permeate all the rest of our decisions we choose to make. We tell ourselves that we aren't enough or that we are failures of some cosmic level. In any case, we get ourselves accustomed to misery because we get comfortable and hypnotized by its illusory hand of power.

" If only I had this, I could achieve this and escape misery."
" If only I made better choices that would make me be happy and content with my life."

These small little quotes might sound familiar to you. You most likely could relate to these in some ways from the past or even the present. We get addicted to that vicious cycle of suffering. That vicious cycle of false identity, lustful grasping, unchecked desires and unconscious self destructive behaviors. Our misery or our sufferings are just labels for us to perpetuate the same disingenuous perception, insecurities and unconscious behaviors.

Misery is the offspring of compulsive thought.
The carousel of worry. The Engine of Doubt.

If we can look at misery head on and see it for what it is, we can open our eyes to the immense toxicity it brings to "our lives". We try so hard to strangle and wrestle "our lives" into our ideal projections that we choose not be be grateful and present with the opportunities and beautiful manifestations of the physical world in front of us. Could the way we have a relationship with misery reflect the way we do not appreciate our inner universe?

What happens when you try to subdue or escape your misery?

What is "your misery"?
Is it really your misery?

“Your” implies some sense ownership which is a primarily part of the ego. Oh yes, the elusive ego. The false sense self. The unconscious motivator. Misery makes us so miserable because we choose to identify with it. Do you see?

You can say, "I am miserable."

What does this mean? Does it help you in any way? You are basically saying that you identify with the pain so much that you are willing to become that. Willing to paint yourself as a miserable fool. Willing to attach yourself to the suffering and disconnect within the depths of your being. The depths of unconsciousness.

What happens when we detach? Surely, we can be cold to misery. We can turn the cheek and not give it attention. Does this help? Does turning our heads to misery actually help us in the long run? Why not embrace the misery with open arms?

Do any of us want to be miserable?

Part of us likes it. Part of us gets its fuel from it. It is within us, but we are so eager to label it. Label it as our enemy and oppressor. Label it is the bane of our existence and thorn in our sides. Labeling does good for analysis, but pulls us away from truly feeling out our emotions.
We want to run away from misery and towards comfort. What we do not see is the immense potential for courage. Our immense stamina to stand up to and embrace that misery. To love misery. To love every part of our miserable self pitying abject awareness. We are so eager to run or even throw our hands up and submit ourselves to the draining bats of misery. Do we even know what we are doing? Where is the courage that we can choose over comfort?

You've heard it before.
"Misery loves company."

This has so much truth to it. Misery thrives on your active or even passive participation. Misery thrives on using your mind and body as a host by accessing through the cracks of your brittle and dim sense of self awareness. If misery loves company, why don't we love it back? Why don't we be appreciative of its fleeting existence? Why don't we dig deep and  travel with misery? Holding each other through uncertain depths.
Misery is holy. It allows us to access the "why" of what we are feeling. Misery lets us access our turbulent and empty void that seems to never want to get filled. It is when we can abandon the need to move away or seek comfort away from misery, Misery is a valuable teacher that teaches us to shower ourselves with gratitude and accept things for how they are and how they used to be. Misery teaches us that we are so hopelessly capable of feeling joy and the other end of the spectrum of emotions and still come out alive!

If you feel miserable, then feel miserable. Nothing wrong with it. Why not recognize it? No reason to try to make yourself happy. Trying to make ourselves happy is counter intuitive in growing. We place the illusory concept of happiness as an antidote to the misery. They are intrinsically interlocked with each other. Like light and dark. Like pleasure and pain. The yin and yang and push and pull of the duality we experience. We can appreciate so called happiness and misery with the same amount of attention, gratitude and love. We can understand that what we are feeling in that moment, no matter how we label it, only has control when we unconsciously give it control. When we identify with it so much that we become it. Like anger, we can feel its wrath within us without acting on it or even becoming “angry”. Why become misery? Why be miserable?

Be miserable. Feel it out. Be “ok” with being miserable. Be ok with knowing that is impermanent and that you cannot be miserable forever. Know that you are responsible for your own states of moods and emotions. The external world can send you in a trance and try to influence who you think you are. Embrace those shifts of states and know that it is all about the decisions you make in all the fleeting moments and not the conditions that are around you.

“Misery came to my door and I was excited and amused to see him. It had been many moons since I have encountered misery in all its glory. All its potent voracity. I wanted to hug him so I hugged myself and then hugged him back. I told him that I accepted him and that I didn’t want him to change. I told him he was welcome anytime. I told him that I loved and him and that I loved myself. I did not care if he loved me back. Misery was so beautiful in all his misery.”

DG