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Thursday, March 3, 2016

Why do we complain?

You're complaining again. 
You're complaining again. 

Now, why do we complain? 
Maybe a better question is... 
Why do we ALLOW ourselves to complain? 
We think that complaining helps us. We think that complaining will let us get it out of our heads. Releasing the vicious basketball that bounces in between the walls of our thought gymnasium. 

Does complaining do anything constructive? Does it really help us relieve our stress? 

Maybe we should approach these questions with a different eye. Complaining serves the purpose of allowing our unchecked unconscious to express itself. Maybe that coworker has gone too far with his passive aggression. Maybe our friend, the loud talker, has embarrassed you so much that you think by talking about it to other people will help us feel better. 

Complaining traps you in a vicious thought cycle that feeds on itself. The next complaint will lead to the next complaint which will lead to the next complaint and so on. Realistically, the complaints are unchecked thoughts that exit the lips of unconscious. Complaints are of the mind. They do not serve a purpose in growth. They only serve the purpose of perpetuating more complaints in the future. You condition your thought patterns to make you think that by complaining it will help you. It is the same as trying to resist intrusive thoughts. When you resist them, they persist and get worse. 

So how do we stop ourselves from complaining? 
That might be the wrong question to ask. Trying to get rid of complaints is like trying to permanently get rid of anger or jealousy. If we don't stop to look and understand why we are having these feelings, we will perpetuate the same behaviors. 
Catch yourself!
When you see yourself starting to complain, stop and breathe.
Let them play out on the stage in your pre frontal cortex.

Some of us start to complain when we surround ourselves with people that complain. We pattern our neurons to match to the same level of consciousness they are expressing. It then triggers our complaint mechanisms. We make ourselves "think" that complaining is "ok". 

It is not your job to change the complaining behaviors of your friends or colleagues. Change starts within you. Let your friends complain. Lend a listening ear. Don't accuse them of complaining. That can lead to all types of conflict including feelings of guilt and shame. Accept that they are complaining in the first place. Be constructive with complaining. See it is a starting place for understanding to sprout. 

How does that make you feel? 
What can you do to change the situation? 
Why do hold on to past events so seriously? 

People can get passionate with complaints. It is misplaced energy and passion. We all know that one friend that concocts lavish stories that "enhance" the truth of past conflicts. They turn complaints into theatrics. The mind loves drama, so drama ensues when there lacks a sufficient amount of self knowledge and awareness.

Let people complain. Don't try to control it. Let yourself complain and understand it. When you see if for what it is and accept it, it will not live through you. You can see people's complaints as theatrics of the mind. Illusory expressions of attachment and insecurities. See them as extensions of yourselves. As anthropological subjects that show small scopes and spectrums of humanity. 

Let the complaints inform you. 
They can be some of the best and most underrated teachers for growth and navigating this material world. 

DG

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